Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in BirdieBleu's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 20th, 2003
9:10 pm	I'm in Paris now. I have to wake up at 5:45 a.m. to take the subway and get to the airport 2 hours before my flight takes off. Feeling nervous and ready. was really sad leaving mat and tahiti today. but i know they'll be good boys and I'm gonna bring them back lots of goodies like peppermints and reeses peanut butter cups. florian's apartment is great and my mom and I will certainly enjoy it when she comes for christmas. OK well maybe i'll update while i'm there maybe not! bye (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 19th, 2003
10:32 am	Well, here goes nothing It's getting real close. I'll be leaving in 2 days now (after today and tommorow). I'll work Thursday morning until 1pm then I'll take the train at 4pm to go to Paris. I'll spend the night at Florian's apartment then he'll take me to the airport on Friday morning. We have to wake up at 5:00 AM! My eyes kinda watered up last night thinking about the trip with Mat. I was saying how it's weird for me to go back alone because I feel like I'm going back to my younger years going home to Mom and Dad. He laughed and just assured me "remember! it's only for 2 weeks! it's a vacation not an obligation!". I know i know but it's just weird leaving him and Tahiti (the dog) all alone for 2 weeks. But I know he'll take good care of him. I've got pretty much everything packed up. Yesterday Mat and I went to the grocery store and he bought my brother lots of candy. It's insane. He bought 4 bags of Haribo candy, then for everybody else we bought a lot chocolate: 3 boxes and 2 bars. We also bought 2 bags each of madelaines, croissants, and pain au chocolat. I bought my grandma some organic wild blueberry jam. Oh and a HUGE JAR of NUTELLA...because even though they do sell that in the states, it's really expensive and it's just a small jar. It'll be fun to see their faces when I give them all that stuff. I also have the camera ready. Mat's dad is lending me his NIKON4100 digital camera. He also gave me 2 64mb cards, and 1 128mb. So, I can take way over 500 pictures..but I doubt I'll take that many. After I got my flu and tetanus shot last Saturday night (Mat's dad), I noticed a day later that my lymph nodes in my groin on the left side are swollen and tender. I called him to ask if it was normal. He said "well no not really but take some anti-inflammatory medicine and we'll see". Well I took the meds, and the nodes are still there. He called a friend at the hospital yesterday and they said "yeah it COULD be a reaction to the tetanus shot"....hmmmmm well, we will see because I don't like them there and it's bothering me and I hope they go away quickly. It's been 4 days since the shot now. Tonight is wine night! Yeah! In the town square, every year in France in all the cities we celebrate what is called "Beajolais nouveau" and there are wine tastings all over town in the street. There is also food and live music. So, Esther , Jeanny, and I are going together. It should be a lot of fun. Last night was good too. It was my last class of Indian dance for a few weeks (well I'm sad about that part) but we'll start back soon. But what was so nice was on ARTE there was a show with RADIOHEAD that was filmed about 2 months ago in Paris. It was just Thom and Johnny together doing acoustic songs in a small room with about maybe 100 people or so. It was EXCELLENT! And of course Mat was REALLY excited as he had just came back the DAY before from the RADIOHEAD concert in Paris. So, we really enjoyed that and I told him the quality was so exceptional ...it would be fabulous on CD. He agreed and then we went to sleep..sweet dreams.. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
9:41 pm	feeling good I know I used to write a lot more. Well, I've never written a whole lot here on live journal but I had another diary at another site that I wrote in for a long time but then I stopped but I'm talking about when I used to write a lot..on PAPER! Things are so great right now in my life. I am so happy and things couldn't be better. I'm leaving in 9 days to go back to the states for the first time in 2 years and 2 months. I think it's going to be incredibly weird!! I used to have such a good memomory of things but my memory has been not so good lately. I keep thinking about how much I've forgetten life as an American. I don't remember my "old" ways or my old favorite foods for example (except Dr.Pepper). I've changed so much in 2 years. I used to smoke a pack a day, eat meat, WRITE, and just a bunch of other unhealthy things. Now I'm a smoke free, vegetarian, who excercises, has the CUTEST dog in the world, has an awesome boyfriend, has an awesome family "in-law", has a great job and has just been promoted to becoming a real teacher. I'm so blessed. As I was saying though, it seems my memory has become quite crappy since I've been living here. I'm wondering if it could be because I kinda have 2 lives. I have my old life as an American that I've completely packed away some where in my brain, and then this new life as a European. I feel so good here though. No regrets ever to have made the move. I always knew that I was to be here. Isn't that weird?? Living in France has changed me for the good, for the best in me...I also have an amazing relationship with my mother now. And that is something that I have almost never have had. We talk everyday online and by phone twice a week. When I come back from the states, she'll come back to France. The last and first time she was here was last April with my brother. Now, she's coming back on December 26th and we'll stay one week in Paris at my friend's apartment (3 bedroom) while he is back home with his family. While in Paris, this time we have several things already planned: the huge flea market a Ballet at the Opera House Shopping (of course) and Museums Those are all things we didn't get to do last time. I'm so excited about all of this. You know so many Americans say nasty things about France, but I can vouch for all the Americans I know here love it. And plus, we get 5 weeks of vacation a year and social security! Vive la France! Current Mood: good Current Music: mat playing acoustic guitar (Comment on this)
Monday, November 10th, 2003
8:54 pm	Oh life can be so awesome sometimes!!!!!! Florian is giving me and my mother his apartment in Paris for Christmas week!!! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS me and mom alone in paris during christmas time hell yeah! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 21st, 2003
2:26 pm	Who would have thought??? You are a Parisian. What's your Inner European? brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
Monday, October 6th, 2003
9:45 pm	Mama I'm coming hommmmmmmme So, I just got off the phone with my mom a little bit ago. She called to say that the hotel reservations are made and the plans are final. I got my plane ticket and I'll be coming home for 2 weeks November 21st-December 6th. We'll be staying in the Chateau Sonesta in New Orleans then after several days will go to Biloxi and stay in the Beau Rivage and spend time with my grandparents. Then, back up to Memphis. I'm really happy and nervous and excited. I'm definately going to have reverse culture shock!!!! It's been over 2 years! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, October 5th, 2003
9:29 pm	Lakshmi. Which Hindu God or Goddess are you? brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 1st, 2003
10:24 pm	(Comment on this)
10:19 pm	(Comment on this)
Friday, September 26th, 2003
10:51 pm	Saraswati Needing guidance today. Esther,Fanny,and I had our "weekly" meeting at 1 pm with PZ. I was expecting him to be really angry and dominating right away since I told him Laurence makes ugly faces when being passed calls. Anyway, we spoke about several things like Esther and Colin changing offices, level changes, appointments etc. Of course (like each time we have a meeting) PZ changes any prior way of doing things to something new and confusing and aggravating-then 15 days later it changes again. Once we got that out of the way, he started talking about classes. Since Kym quit, he's been looking for a new part time night teacher. Most people that come in for the job are older (in their 40s) and don't seem to have that dynamic character that PZ is looking for. He began to make comments and hints mentioning that he'd need the person to work Monday, Tuesday, and Friday nights and every Saturday from 9 to 1. During this time, he kept looking in my direction. Of course, never looking IN my EYES, because we all know he can't do that. After that he said he'd spoke to Anthony and Sylvia about my classes. They've decided to start coming to watch me teach a few and to criticize. I've done over 100 classes and have been teaching for over 6 months. Why now do I need them to come babysit me? I told PZ right away "No, I do not agree". He then started to mention that he'd 'posibbly' like me to do the night work. I said NO again right away. Monday night's are yoga, tuesday's are bharatanatyam and the rest of the week is shared between gym, Mat, the apartment, and Tahiti. I'm definately not going to work in the mornings and then come back to teach at night. Forget it. All this time I've been teaching. All this time he tells me how students praise my work. But because Anthony and Sylvia have never seen me do a class now they decide that they want to. I told PZ basically that we could stop right there. I told him 'NO I was not interested in them coming to watch me'. So, he then said "OK well then you'll stop teaching all together''. I said 'GREAT IDEA'. I am fed up with them. I can not stand their teaching method as it is. I have hated being tossed around and asked to teach always at the last minute and always as an emergency! Not once can he look me in the eyes and say THANKS! I know I am supposed to respect my elders but how can I respect this man who is so demanding, dominant, sly, slick, cheating!!, and rude????? How can I learn to agree with someone like that? should I??? I know that he'll NEVER change..but should I be more kind to him? How how do you find that balance where you should be kind and respectful to people that don't respect you? It is so so hard and so difficult. I feel that if I back off and smile and act fake then...he won. He got me to be the nice little girl that he wants. A fake girl that looks so happy in front of the clients when I really want to spit on him??? I didn't want to come off as someone who thinks that she's the best and doesn't need criticism..but I just didn't see why after all this time..now that he really NEEDS me to teach more that he want them to come over my back to see? Sylvia and Anthony and I ...none of us teach the same way!!! Oh goodness our personalities are WAY different. We'd never agree with any of us. So for now, I've won! I won't teach anymore. He won't use me. I'll do my job that is STATED in my contract and it'll stay like that. I don't want to have anything extra to do with him. Just the basics. But as for me and doing things the right way... what is the best way to go about this.. Shuklaam Brahmvichaar Saar Paramaadyaam Jagadvyaapineem Veennaa Pushtak Dhaarinneebhamay Daam Jaad Yaapandhkaaraapahaam. Haste Sfatik Maalikaam Vidhateem Paramaasane Sansthitaam Vande Taam Parameshwareem Bhagwateem Buddhi Pradaam Shaaradaam. Current Mood: confused (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 13th, 2003
8:57 am	yeah baby I just watched an old man in his old BMW pamper himself. He is parked just in front of the centre. He opened up his makeup bag and put foundation on. He touched up on his forehead a lot. Then, he took out a bottle of yellow cologne and sprayed it 4 times each on each side of his neck. He then took some weird object and ran it over his face like to smooth out the makeup. Really weird!!!! Maybe he has bad acne scars or something... Current Mood: impressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 12th, 2003
9:54 am	omg i'll be going back in time.. I just woke up and came to check my email a little while ago. My mom has been trying to call me for a few days but since we aren't at the apartment, she'll never reach me. So, I'm reading her email and well..my mom just loves to suddenly annonce little 'oh by the ways' quite often. This one sorta kinda shocked me...well, took me off guard. My dad is becoming a pastor. Brother Don. I can believe it. He's has really gotten sucked into their world now. Oh yeah. My mom said when he tells people his salvation testimony..he says it's because of his older daughter that he was saved. And I helped them get through a messy time in their lives and made them stay together. He would be referring to the fact he had an affair once with a woman who worked in a shoe store in Cortana Mall. I don't know how I got my Dad saved, but that was when they started going to Woodlawn Baptist church and that's the same time when I started rebelling and going away from them. Now, I'll be going back "home" in November for 2 weeks. Im going back home to a new sister who is 15 years old and is a cheerleader (whom my parents adopted a few months ago and I've NEVER met), my father a pastor, and my brother with a star tatoo on his shin living in a dorm in a community college. It seems the only one who hasn't entirely changed is my mother. I'm scared. Let's face it. I am SOOOO different from them. I believe in God. I even pray and speak to God. But, I believe in God in a different way than them. For me, I believe God is something very personal in my life. I don't tell my salavation testimony. I don't sing songs, or even read the bible. But,I do feel close to God. But not in "their" way. Aren't I going to look like a fool and embarass them as I won't sing in their church or tell my story? What am I going to do? My mom has told me that my dad is so excited to present me to his youth group. These kids I know..are going to interrogate me. They are going to pose a million questions. Do I just tell them how I feel? Yeah right. I'm not against their religion. I believe everyone chooses their religion to me there is NO right and NO wrong. I know they won't be as open. Secondly, this girl. My new sister. How weird is that?!!! My dad is really close with her. She's really completely like their daughter. She calls them mom and dad and her last name is now Sim... Thirdly, will they mock me because I don't eat meat? I don't know! I'm frightened! I have a feeling this is going to be a disaster! I'm going "home" to SOOOOOO many changes. I don't even think I'm going to see my real father while I'm there but come to think of it..I probably should. Like that, I'll atleast be able to get to the French quarter and have a few drinks!! I'll need them! I don't know what to do. I'm the daughter of a preacher! ha! Who would have thought? Again, I'm not making fun of him. I know when you live in the bible belt that's pretty much the only 'activity' to partake in so.. I am scared. I used to be really close to my dad but I think this is going to put a lot more distance between us more than just the Atlantic ocean. All the times I've had him on the phone, he never told me this. OKAY ERICA YOU ARE SO STUPID. I just realized this!!!!!! My parents sold their house and my mom kept telling me they were selling it because they were going to make a lot of money off of it and then afterwards the church was offering a house to them to live in for a while. Why didn't I just realize then that the pastor always lives in that little house near the church? This is TOO weird. I feel like an alien. I'm so different from everybody I know. the lazy days of summer. What a hot few weeks you all have had. We were at the water park all day Saturday and then Sunday church and then Sunday night church. So you did not miss much. But the air conditioners are running full blast. We have had a very strange summer with temps not getting as hot as usual. I think all of Europe is having it. I talked to Aunt Donna yesterday and she said she is going to let me know about the Thanksgiving Holidays, about all of us seeing each other. I also talked to Mimi and they cant wait. Maw Maw and Papaw went to Bogalousa on Saturday to visit Aunt Mini rose and Lionel. It looked like she enjoyed herself. Papaw wants to come and visit and Maw Maw was so mean to him that she made me so mad. He just wants to come and get away for a while.All she dose is bitch at him!!!! Send me Matt's email again so I can look for you on the Internet. I tried to call you yesterday, I can call you there if you give me the #. Today we go off and go to our other house. I can't remember if I told you we sold the house in town and now live in the country close to the church. Also I wanted to let you know that Dad will be ordained on Sunday the 17th of Aug. He will be a pastor now. Bro. Don. He is very excited to get through the process. He will be able to do Weddings and funerals as well as Preaching. He loves that he is able to be so involved with the youth. He really has changed in a positive way. When he tells people about his salvation he always explains how his oldest daughter led him to the lord. You were what did it for him and you prob lay saved our marriage if you remember that time in our life.If it weren't for you during that time I don't know were we would be today. Anyway I will be back home on Thursday so I will look for you on line then. Stay cool and I will talk later, love you MOM Current Mood: uncomfortable Current Music: Christopher O'riley- Like Spinning Plates (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 11th, 2003
7:08 pm	Heat wave so hot hot hot!!! can't breath!!!! sweltering heat! haaaaaaaaa RAIN WATER WIND 100 degrees since one week! Current Mood: hot Current Music: The Cure-JUST SAY YES! (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 30th, 2003
12:08 am	those huge round glossy eyes He's short. He's got brown eyes that make you melt. He's got well manicured hands and feet. -incredibly gorgeous smile..and when his lip kinda of curls up..he makes me think of Elvis with black lips. He loves to sit around the house and "pose" for me, modeling off his good looks ALL day long. He's really hairy. I love his choker that he wears around his neck. It's made of a light brown braided leather. His tongue is so soft and sweet as it gently caresses my hands and my cheeks. He's one year and 4 months old. I've just introduced you to Tahiti, my fabulous cavalier king charles! I love you my baby boy! mwah mwah!!! so beau on the couch!! mom loves you!! :ppppp (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 28th, 2003
10:47 pm	this is what you get when you mess with us..karma police..arrest this man For once I can say I had a good night at work tonight. Well, i guess that's because I was SO busy that I had no time to look at my boss or "deal" with him. We had 3 boys come from Australia. Let me say they were pretty damn cute and wow did they make me want to visit Australia or what! It seems like such an amazing place to go. Such healthy , clean, wordly people. So interested in other cultures, and things, and very self-aware and open. I love that. I'll definately have to make it there one day. Or maybe several times!!! so much to see and do..like the great barrier reef for instance. How magical is that..and can't forget all the many many animals they have..and just empty roads for kilometers and kilometers of nothingness..red dirt deserts...the land down under... Tommorow I'm working from 8:30 until 2pm and then going home to get the dog and doing I dont know what. I'll take him on a walk somewhere to sit and talk and walk.. It's 10:44 pm and mat is still in the studio. He'll work probably until midnight and then come home, crash, and bring me to work in the morning. The tv is shit tonight. There is nothing ON. I've got tahiti sleepin on the couch, some inscense burning, and different songs on kazaa...just chilling out. Current Mood: calm Current Music: karma police-christopher o'riley (Comment on this)
11:43 am	Last night, we went to see 8 mile. It was pretty good. Tahiti is hiding in corners running from the vacuum cleaner. He's so cute. I'm going to have a big day of work today. I've got a first lesson at 2 pm, an encounter at 4pm, and at 6 pm we have 2 Australian triathlete's coming to do a class for 2 hours and I'll be the one assisting. You know like telling them to slow down, and could they explain more because they speak NO French and they will need to speak very slowly in English for the students. The students aren't used to this kind of accent. Mat is going into the studio today with his band. They will be working this entire week in the studio to record an album. He'll be gone basically night and day as they will eat at the studio etc. I'll be working a lot and Tahiti I'm afraid will be home alone often and that is something we never do but just this ONE week it'll have to do. It seems that I'll be leaving November 21st until December 6th to go back to America. Wow, i'm almost terrified of a reverse culture shock. I'm hoping that everything will be okay. Seeing my parents won't be a big deal because my Mom and brother were here last April but seeing my grandparents for example will be strange because they've basically ignored me and my brother for the last 8 months. No cards, nothing. My grandma has been very ill but I don't want to hear that as her excuse because I know she knows how to write and my grandpa as well. I've pretty much prepared myself for her death. I think I have anyway. Is that horrible to say? I love her so much and I cherish them both. I understand that there are many elderly that become extremely bitter at the end and well, she's become just that. She thinks everyone is against her and no one wants to be apart of the family anymore because everyone has left New Orleans. Well, we've all left Louisiana. Her sons. Me. My mother. My grandpa's brother. All of us out of Louisiana. But, damn if she can't realise that we left to BETTER ourselves and that we ALL have then...oh well. My mother would love to be apart of her life but my grandma has been pushing us all away for some time now. C'est la vie. I try not to let it really consume me because it's just the way it is and I can't change it. Well, I guess that's all I've had on my mind this morning. See you later alligator. Current Mood: okay Current Music: susheela raman (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 22nd, 2003
10:51 pm	it's been a long time Cela fait longtemps depuis que je me suis mis a ecrire quelquechose dans mon journal. Je ne sais pas pourquoi mais de temps en temps j'en ai ral le bol et j'attend un peu de dire quelquechose. Pour la plupart, les choses sont calme ici. Bon, c'est a dire que j'ai encore mon travail, je bosse, je vais au gym presque tous les jours, etc. Mat est en vacances. Souvent, on va chez ses parents pour aller dans la piscine et de respirer un peu d'air fraiche dans le campagne. En juillet, on ira a biscarosse pour une semaine. J'ai ecrit une lettre a le recotorat il y a deux semaines en disant que j'aimerais continuer mon travail comme assistante d'anglais au lycee..mais je n'ai pas encore recu une reponse. Donc, pour l'instant je suis toujours coince au Wall Street Institute. C'est tres difficile pour moi de tenir le coup la-bas tous les jours. Mon patron est un vrai con et il change notre travail chaque jour. Nous avons (mes colleagues) beaucoup de problemes avec lui et on ne sais pas ce qu'on peu faire pour changer l'ambiance etc. On a tous decider le seul facon d'etre heureux c'est de changer de boulots. Bien sur, ca peut etre vachement sympa de quitter tout les 3 en meme temps mais ca c'est vraiment impossible je pense. Fin bref, je reste la bas vraiment parce que j'ai besoin d'argent mais je regarde les annonces sur l'anpe chaque jour. Aussi, je continue de souffir avec l'anxiete et angoisse. J'en suis sur que j'ai l'anxiete generalise. Je devrais aller voir un medicin bien tot. Peut-etre j'ai besoin d'un peu de medicaments. Ma grandmere souffre avec ca, et aussi ma mere..donc, c'est clair c'est hereditaire. Tant pis. blah. blah. blah. (j'ai pas mis des accents parce que il y a certains que ne peuvent pas lire ca avec leur ordi) Current Mood: anxious (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
11:52 pm	hail to the thief I hate my boss. I hate him. I hate him. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, March 21st, 2003
1:12 pm	spring is in the air..everywhere I look around That beautiful tree is what I see when I look out the window of my apartment. Actually, there are several and they are just really beautiful and pink right now. I love them. It is the first day of Spring. Yesterday, we went and bought the train tickets for my mom and andrew and for us for when we go to Paris. Only 13 days left. I can't can't can't believe it! I hope that they are going to be prepared to move and do a lot of walking because they have just one full day and a few hours to see Paris. Mathias and I have started working on getting PACsed. Unfortunately, the French authorities require that I have a birth certificate less than 3 months old. So, I ordered one yesterday online. It's going to cost me about 100$. Then, eventually I'll have to make a trip to Paris to the American Embassy to get a certificate de coutume and pay for that as well as the trip. Plus, I have got to pay a notarized translator to translate my things. I know it's gonna cost a little but it's okay because it'll be worth it in the long run. In May, I am most likely going to London with my company and our students. We'll do a 4 day trip and stay in a hotel in Hyde Park. That should be fun. I'm also planning a trip to the states this year by myself. Mat would stay behind because of law school. He can't leave. He's got so many exams this year. So, I was thinking November would be a good time. Preferably during Thanksgiving so I could atleast eat some shit like candied yams or shrimp dressing..ooohh. Not much else is going on around here. That's always good. I have to leave for work in about an hour or so. yay! I'm working with my favorite co-worker too. Yay! god, I'm retarded. Current Mood: full Current Music: frou frou- must be dreaming (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 16th, 2003
10:05 pm	I still can't believe it. My mom and my brother will be here in 19 days. It's incredible! It's nerveracking, exciting, and just a ton of other emotions. I want everything to be perfect. She wrote me yesterday saying she was worried about the pnemonia that is going around right now in airports. I tried to reassure her by letting her know that it's mainly in Asia and everything will be okay. She says her immune system will be weak because she's having x-rays before she leaves. But again, I reassured her that things will be fine. Right now, we have the movie "As Good As It Gets" on and I've thought twice already "Dang...is this as good as it gets?". Lately, I've just been dwelling on the fact that everything for once in my life is SOOOO good...I mean, REALLY GREAT!!!! that...what's gonna go wrong? I guess the better thing would be to not think like that or I'm bound to "make" something go wrong. I ask Mat all the time " Aren't you worried something bad is gonna happen?!" He says "No! Why?". I just smile and say "Umm things can't just be this GOOD ALL THE TIME"! And he looks at me ,kinda rolls his eyes and says "Yes, Yes it can!". Last night, we went out to dinner with his parent' and his 2 brother's. It was delicious as usual. I had Smoked Salmon with Salad as the first course. Second course, I had red fish with mashed potatoes and sauce. Dessert, I had tiramisu... with champagne and 5 glasses of wine...3 white and 2 red Today at lunch, again with family...(but at home) Champage and foie gras then veal with veggies lots of wine as usual dessert was a chocolate mousse cake God, we eat so good with them. This afternoon, I spent all day outside. I worked in Mat's parent's garden raking leaves for about an hour. Then, I just hung out on a chair soaking the sun up and watching my dog chase the leaves. It was a good time. The best things are SO simple. Now, it's Sunday night 10 pm...gonna continue hanging out and watch these 19 days pass on by.... can't wait! Current Mood: relaxed (Comment on this)